Secrets

Much to my relief, I stepped on the scale early this morning to see a loss.  Technically it doesn’t count since I only official recognize Sunday weigh-ins but seeing as every other day this week I have shown a substantial increase, it was nice to see a loss.

Now, I just have to focus on eating healthy on my 2 day mini vacation to the ocean this weekend.  Luckily we rented a condo with a kitchenette so I am hoping to avoid dining out each night.  Good for my diet and my pocket book!

Getting back on track this week showed me just how much we had strayed from the weight loss path.  It started slowly really.  I went months without indulging in anything anti diet and then one night I would go soft and agree to something small, like a scoop of non diet friendly ice cream or something.  I would still lose that week so I would splurge a little more…and it just went on and on until you have last week with zero weight loss.

I feel refocused these past couple of days, retraining my mind to making better choices, but it seems I will have to retrain my family.  Even though we all agreed to start eating better, I have already had six indecent eating propositions! 6!!!

With all the stressors I have been wading through, the one thing which really suffered was my work out routine.  I have not been on my elliptical machine in over 4 weeks.  Gross, I KNOW! 

Through my insurance I received access to a health coach who calls me once a month.  I shamefully explained my failure to work out and how depressed I was about it.  We talked through what was stopping me and set up a plan.  Through the discussion I learned that I was actually quiet anxious about how physically difficult it would be for me to get back on the elliptical and do my full routine.  My coach told me that initially the time doesn’t matter, I just needed to go on for a few minutes until I work myself back up, she urged me just to go on the machine for 10 minutes and perform 10 sit-ups that night.

Knowing I didn’t have to do such an intense workout helped relieve the anxiety of getting back on the elliptical. The 10 minutes on the machine was tough but I was able to do 20 sit-ups instead of 10.  We agreed that I would try this mild workout a few more times and then push myself to go the whole 30 minutes on the elliptical on Tuesday. 

FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS

Current Weight: 206.2

Starting Weight: 258
Week 25: 0

Total lost: -51.8
Goal Weight: 140
Total to lose: 66.2 pounds to go

GOALS:
- Below 200 pounds by end of summer: -6.3 pounds to go in 9 weeks (0.7 pounds a week).

- CHEESBURGER!!!!  -6.3 pounds to go

- HALFWAY MARK!!!:  -7.2 Pounds to go

- 60 pounds gone: -8.2 pounds to go

- Overweight BMI: -27.2 pounds to go

- 40 pounds gone: (Complete on 5/13/2012)
- Another 10%: (Complete on 6/10/2012)
- 50 pounds gone: (Complete on 6/10/2012)

While I was disappointed in the scale this week,  I wasn’t all that surprised.  I didn’t do very well in the eating arena this week mostly due to activities. 

Monday – I had dinner with my Dad.

Tuesday – Work potluck

Thursday – We had a donor appreciation night for a local theater group we support. The event was held here: http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/pacificnw/2004/0523/cover_lakeunion.html and it was one of the most beautiful places I have ever been.

The food was to DIE for and I consumed a tad bit too much wine which meant my inhibitions were down and I ate way too much.

Saturday – Dinner with my sister which then ended at a club downtown where again the alcohol got the best of me.

Congrats go out to my lovely daughter. She is officially in ONEDERLAND at 199.5 pounds.  So proud of her!!! I am totally envious of a teenager’s metabolism though.

This week I feel like I am doing better even though I am snack more than I like. It is weird, it is like my common sense goes out the window and next thing I know I have one hand in a box of cheese nips and the other in a bucket of redvines. WHAT IS GOING ON!

The scale did show a slight decline last night so I feel confident in a loss this week.  Mama D and I are having a romantic weekend away this Friday to the ocean so I really need to focus to keep on track. 

What hints/techniques do you use when you feel yourself falling off the wagon?

INSPIRATION:

WARNING: Heavy Post

Current Weight: 206.2

Starting Weight: 258
Week 24: - 1.8
Total lost: -51.8
Goal Weight: 140
Total to lose: 66.2 pounds to go

GOALS:
- Below 200 pounds by end of summer: -6.3 pounds to go in 10 weeks (0.63 pounds a week).

- CHEESBURGER!!!!  -6.3 pounds to go

- HALFWAY MARK!!!:  -7.2 Pounds to go

- 60 pounds gone: -8.2 pounds to go

- Overweight BMI: -27.2 pounds to go

- 40 pounds gone: (Complete on 5/13/2012)
- Another 10%: (Complete on 6/10/2012)
- 50 pounds gone: (Complete on 6/10/2012)

I am stunned…this past week will probably go down in history as the most stressful week of my life and I was stress eating like nobody’s business. I was praying to just stay the same when then scale showed a 1.8 pound loss I did a little jig, right there in the bathroom. 

I know this losing streak will end and my bad eating will catch up to me, I just really need to regain some focus. 

I haven’t really blogged about some of the stuff that has been going on cause people I know IRL read this blog but I got to thinking that I blog because it motivates me and relieves stress. So those who know me, if you don’t want the details, then stop reading.

So here are the stressors I have been contending with:

1.     Separation – About 5 weeks ago, my wife of 10 years and I tried a trial separation.  I moved out for 2 weeks just so we could get some space. I have since moved back in but we have a lot of stuff in our marriage to work out.  The past few weeks with her have been amazing, and I am feeling very positive about the state of our marriage but the whole situation is just stressful.

2.     Run-Away – My eldest daughter has been feeling the stress of what is going on with Mama D and I and earlier this week didn’t come home from school.  She was gone for over 24 hours.  We ended up tracking her down but where she was and who she was with has caused some BIG issues. 

3.     Mother – My mother has been ill for quite some time, and the prognosis from the Dr. a few weeks ago wasn’t good.  The treatment which could cure one of her issues is too dangerous to attempt because of other issues. They have a treatment plan but it will take a lot of motivation on my mother’s part. If she isn’t successful, we are looking at 3-5 more years with her.

4.     Bye-Bye Baby – Our family is built of adopted and foster children.  We have had the joy of parenting one of our children for 1.5 years and 3 weeks ago he finally was returned to his birth mom and dad. While I feel the transition was best for the Baby, my arms still ache for our nightly rocking and singing.

Those are the big things, but like most people, I am surrounded by a zillion other little things that are pounding my defenses down.

The one thing I contribute to my continued weight loss would have to be my boring eating habits.  For the most part I can eat the same thing over and over again. I also am schedule driving so I pretty much have 80% of my eating down to a science. I eat either yogurt or egg wrap at 8am, turkey sandwich as 11:30am,  Luna bar at 3:30pm, dinner at 6:30pm (wild card), and WW Toffee Ice cream bar at 9pm.  If I am having a good week, I probably eat that exact schedule 6 days a week. On bad weeks like this last week, I ate that schedule maybe once or twice.  The problem being that I tend to snack a bit more between the hours of 3:30pm – 6:30pm. 

In hind sight I can see where I went wrong.  I bought some snacks for the “Kids” which tend to me big temptations for me.  I also would get so stressed I would cave into temptation and order in dinner.  I slowly allowed myself things which I had avoided for 6 months. Not a good trend.

I was very tempted last night to break my promise to myself and get a cheeseburger.  Mama D knew how much my 199.9 goal meant to me so she put her foot down and said she wouldn’t let me cave in when I am so close to my goal.  So I have reaffirmed my promise to avoid cheeseburgers until 199.9 but when it happens I am GOING BIG! I am going to put out a Facebook invite and get as many people as I can to join me at 5 Guys Burger and Fries to celebrate my half way done victory. 

I am going to reclaim my role as Weight Loss Goddess one step at a time. This week I am going to focus on cutting out the unplanned snacks and drinking more water....I hired this guy to keep me in line.

On a completely unrelated note, I had a party on Saturday and a friend who I wasn’t expecting to attend showed up. I was all excited and ran up to hug him and he grabbed me and picked me up into a big bear hug.  NOBODY has picked me up in years!!! I am light enough to be picked up! WOOT WOOT!

Week 23

Current Weight: 208

Starting Weight: 258
Week 23: - 2.8
Total lost: -50.00
Goal Weight: 140
Total to lose: 68.0 pounds to go

GOALS:
- Below 200 pounds by end of summer: -8.1 pounds to go in 11 weeks (0.74 pounds a week)

- HALFWAY MARK!!!:  -9 Pounds to go

- 60 pounds gone: -10 pounds to go

- Overweight BMI: -29 pounds to go

- 40 pounds gone: (Complete on 5/13/2012)
- Another 10%: (Complete on 6/10/2012)
- 50 pounds gone: (Complete on 6/10/2012)

And here is a 50 pound loss picture!!!

June 9, 2012 208 pounds

I just can’t believe how small my legs are getting. I just wish my tummy and arms would catch up. Seriously, I look like I am pregnant in tha tshirt.

I have been 208 before…once upon a time. I don’t remember it all that well, there were several years where I just ate and ate and never stepped on a scale. But what I do know is that I felt like crap and hated myself. Now that I am going the opposite direction past 208, I feel like a new person.  I still have my insecurities (i.e. jiggle arms) but I have come so much more out of my shell.

I feel like the ‘thin me’ is coming out.  I love visiting new places and experiencing all life has to offer but was literally paralyzed with anxiety and fear to actually go out and do those things.  I was so self-conscious that I rarely left the house because I was so sure everyone was looking at me. 

This month my wife and I have planned a 3 day trip to the ocean (sans kids, YAY) and a weekend trip to a small Bavarian style town in the mountains.  258 pound me would be already anxious about the trip. Heck, 258 pound me wouldn’t have agreed to the ocean trip and found a way to bow out of the mountain trip and would have made Mama D go solo with the kiddos (I have done it before).  Now, I am over the moon excited. We are talking about going horseback riding or moped on the beach, how much fun is that.  Another HUGE first is that our room at the ocean has a jetted tub in the bedroom that looks out over the ocean. I will be able to fit in it now. You have no idea how long it is since I have been able to have a bath.   I am going to purchase a ton of bath salts and spend most of the weekend in the tub. 

I even have agreed to go to an adult only wine drinking/painting class with my best friend. I would never have put myself out there to attempt something like that 50 pounds ago.  Fat me would never have taken on something I have no skill in (Painting, not the wine…I am very skilled at drinking wine) because I would be so self conscious and miserable.  Now, I can just enjoy the experience and laugh at my bad art work. 

I am not cured. I still have areas in which my weight inhibits me.  In 2010, when we adopted two of our children, we had professional photos done of the kids. Serena has been asking for us to a do a family portrait ever since but I just can’t bring myself to do it quiet yet.  In I just need a little more time.

The next 68 pounds intimidate me. For some reason I feel like this last half of the process is going to be tougher than the first.  I think I will feel like better when I am over the hump though, only 9 more pounds and I am half way done!!!!

What I Miss

One thing I miss about being XXX-Large.....LARGE POCKETS.

Apparently, the smaller your pants are the smaller pockets you are allowed.  I just spent a solid minute trying to get my keys out of my new pant pockets and ended up smacking myself in the face.  WTF!

And Now For Something Completely Different:

Current Weight: 210.8

Starting Weight: 258
Week 19: - 1.6
Total lost: -47.2
Goal Weight: 140
Total to lose: 70.8

GOALS:
- 40 pounds gone: (Complete on 5/13/2012)
- Another 10%: -1.8 pounds to go
- 50 pounds gone: -2.8 pounds to go
- Below 200 pounds by end of summer: -10.9 pounds to go in 12 weeks (0.91 pounds a week)

I am happy with this weeks weight loss. I know I probably lost a little more as I didn't get to weight myself until later in the day after I had already consumed meal but that will show up next week. 

I've got some BIG news

DRUM ROLL PLEASE ..................

I purchased my first shirt at Macy's in the normal girl section!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!

For the first time in 10 years, I can officially say I no longer have to shop at big girl stores or departments.  It is an amazing feeling. 

So now I am sporting my size 15 juniors jeans (curtesy of my little sister trunk'o'jeans) and a XL shirt. I never thought this day would come.

One of the reasons I wanted to be under 200 by the end of the summer is that my cousin from France is coming on September 3rd.  The last time she saw me in person was when I was around 180 and it looks there is a real possibility I could be around that weight when I see her again.  I am so thrilled.

This week, i got together with two friends who have not seen me since I have started loosing weight.  Their reactions gave me such a ego boost.  I am still riding the high.