Friday, August 24, 2012

From a 42.9 BMI to a 32.9 BMI

Current weight: 198.0 pounds

Starting weight: 258 pounds
Down: -.8 pounds
Total loss: - 60 pounds
Goal weight: 140 pounds
Total to lose: 58 pounds


60 pounds gone: Completed 8/24/2012
25% Body Weight Gone:  -4.5 pounds to go
70 pounds gone: -10 pounds to go
Overweight BMI (179): -19 pounds to go
Scuba Diving Lessons (165) – 33 pounds
My biggest focus and struggle lately has been about controlling how much I eat during the meal. I am pretty good about not eating unless I feel hunger signs, but once I start eating I realize I have eaten to much far too late.
My biggest issue has been how quickly I consume my food. As a child I remember my mom always reminding me that dinner was not a race.  I have curbed this issue fairly well at major meals. At dinner I use a small plate and serve myself reasonable portions. For lunch and breakfast and I only bring what I need and don’t tempt myself with snacks and extra portions.
My main struggle has been snacks, potlucks, and restaurants.   For example, I went to IHOP last night with the family and got an omelet.  By the time I starting paying attention to what I was doing I had inhaled 2/3rd of the omelet and 1 ½ pancakes.  I knew a overate the moment I became conscience of my food and felt horrible the rest of the evening and even this morning. 
I know the tools I can use to fix this.  At restaurants, ask for a box when the meal comes and decide what portion I want to eat and box the rest up.  For snacks, I should place a single serving on a napkin or in a bowl and eat from that.  I just don’t think of these options until it is way too late.
In happier news, we have my daughter back at home now.  She was gone a total of 13 days and it was horrible! We had a meeting with her therapist as well as with a social worker as we are trying to get her on to the ‘At Risk Youth’ petition our state offers.  The ARY petition would be a really good thing to have in place but we have discovered that we will have to dish out $1,000 initially and then another $1,000 every three months to keep it in place.  All of these costs are to cover her public defender. So frustrating that I will have to pay so much to the courts so I can have another protection to keep my daughter safe at home! Luckily we have a few attorney friends who will do our end so we don’t have to worry about paying for two attorneys. 

Friday, August 17, 2012

My Body is a Onederland

Current weight: 198.8 pounds

Starting weight: 258 pounds
Week lost count: -4.2 pounds
Total loss: - 59.2 pounds
Goal weight: 140 pounds
Total to lose: 58.8 pounds


Below 200 pounds by end of summer: Completed on 8/17/2012
 CHEESEBURGER!!!!!!: Completed on 8/17/2012 (consumption of burger is planned for tomorrow)  
Halfway mark: Completed 8/17/2012
60 pounds gone: -0.8 pounds to go
Overweight BMI (179): -19.8 pounds to go
Scuba Diving Lessons (165) – 33.8 pounds

I AM SO SORRY I DISAPPEARED. I swear life just keeps coming at me at warp speed….with Klingons and The Borg thrown in for good measure.  Happy dance for me for having entered Onederland.  For a little while I wasn’t sure if I was going to EVER make it.

On this weight loss journey, it thought I prepared myself pretty well for what I would expect.  What I wasn’t expecting was how SCARY becoming a thin person would be.  I seriously was having an identity crisis.  I had identified as this obese person for so long, that the idea I am no longer the elephant in the room was intimidating.

As a large person, I was use to being a fly on the wall. People didn’t make eye contact often, rarely held doors for me, strangers didn’t pick up conversations at random. Now all these things are happening and I don’t know how to handle it.

I had/have the hardest time accepting my accomplishment. I keep expecting to see 258 on the scale or for my clothes to not fit, or to look in the mirror and see what I use to.  I spent the last month all over scale, going up to 206 and down to 198.8.  I needed this time to find myself.  To become familiar and okay with the smaller me and prepare myself once again for the remaining 58.8 pounds I will lose. 

On another note, I am hoping you all can keep my oldest daughter in your thoughts. She ran last Thursday.  We have heard from people that they have seen her in our immediate area but she is refusing to come home.  She is filled with the emotional tornado which is being a teenager as well as processing the years of trauma she faced before she came to live with us and she is scared. The only way she knows how to cope is to run. I only hope she finds her way back home.

On happier note!! I went zip-lining a few weeks ago. So something I would have NEVER done 59.2 pounds ago.  Here is a picture of us right before we zipped off a huge tower over a lake.