Thursday, December 20, 2012

12 you say!!!

Current weight: 191.2 pounds

Down: 1 pounds
Starting weight: 198 pounds (as of 11/12/2012)
Total loss: 6.8 pounds
Goal weight: 140 pounds
Total to lose: 51.2 pounds
Total lost as of March 2011 (73.8 pounds)

Break the 198 plateau: Completed 12/2/2012
We love the 80’s: -1.3 pounds to go
5% Body Weight Gone:-3.1 pounds to go
Overweight BMI (179): -12.2 pounds to go
Scuba Diving Lessons (170) – 21.2 pounds
1 pound loss….I’ll take it.  This past weekend I was not at my best when it came to eating.  The 6 hour holiday baking party did me in.  Though I ate over my calories I still call the event a success.  In the past I would have been hyper focused on the treats and eating a ton. This time I kept my snacking to just a few pieces of the treats I liked the best and didn’t eat any of the others.  I really focused on only eating what I knew I would enjoy and savoring it instead of snacking willy-nilly.  I also focused on my friends who came over to bake as we don’t see each other as much as we would like (dang islanders).
Last night, as I was changing into PJ’s I decided to slip on the pair of 12’s I had hanging in the closet to see how close I was to being able to wear them. I slipped them on and they fit PERFECTLY! I didn’t even have to suck in a little to button them.  I rushed downstairs where Mama D was rocking out on her Extreme Yoga DVD set I got her for her birthday and paraded around in my size 12 body, lol.  When I got back upstairs I dug the other size 12’s I had been given from the bottom of my armoire. I am always suspicious of sizes because each brand is different and a size 12 in one brand can be a size 14 in another.  Of the three pairs I dug out by three different designers two fit like a glove and the third pair would require that I lay down on the bed to zip.  So I am calling it.  I am officially a size 12!! WOOT WOOT!
I can’t remember the last time I was a size 12. The last time I was successful at losing weight I was 17.  I got down to 170 and was able to get into a size 13.  So how I am able to fit into a size 12 now at 191 is beyond me. Oh, how the body changes.
In life news, I received some very scary news about my 16 year old daughter is still on the run.  She is messing with some very serious things which can cause her a lot of damage. Not drugs, thank God, but still some scary stuff she should not be involved with on her own.  I am trying not to let the stress effect my weight loss and the 3 other kiddos I have at home but it is hard. 
Blog at you soon!!!

Friday, December 14, 2012

Losing Weight in it's Basic Form

Current weight: 192.2 pounds

Starting weight: 198 pounds (as of 11/12/2012)
Down: 2.8 pounds
Total loss: 5.8 pounds
Goal weight: 140 pounds
Total to lose: 52.2 pounds
Total lost as of March 2011 (72.8 pounds)

Break the 198 plateau: Completed 12/2/2012
We love the 80’s: -2.3 pounds to go
5% Body Weight Gone:-4.1 pounds to go
Overweight BMI (179): -13.2 pounds to go
Scuba Diving Lessons (170) – 22.2 pounds
What a week!  The stressors don’t stop and I haven’t even had time to stress about the upcoming holidays or the 2 dinner parties and 1 holiday party I am hosting in less than two weeks.  I don’t even want to open that can of worms. 
I had enough last night and almost opened a mini container of ice cream I have in the freezer and ate the whole thing!  I went to bed early instead thinking not only would it help me avoid the calorie overload but the extra sleep would help relieve some stress.  I did avoid eating anything but I got a call from my older sister literally as I was leaning over to turn off the bedside lamp and had an hour conversation which hit every stressor in my life and I ended up going to bed 30 minutes late.  UGH!
Even after having so much success over the past 11 ½ months, I still seem to be surprised by the obvious fact that “Putting less food in your mouth means you lose weight.”   When I am losing I am thrilled but suspicious of the results. I am suspicious that the scale is off or that it is just a fluke and I will gain it back tomorrow no matter how much I try. When I plateau or gain my inner gremlin constantly tells me that losing weight is too hard; that I can’t do it.   What I really need to remember is that there is one basic rule that applies to losing weight and it works 100% of the time….”Putting less calories in your body then your body consumes will ultimately lead to loosing pounds.”  SURPRISE!!! There is no special pill, no exercise routines, you don’t have to avoid certain foods or only eat things that start with the letter G. 
A few years back, I remember being up late one night really depressed about my weight.  As I had 100’s of times before, I decided to do something about. I sat in bed with my laptop and while nomming on a bag of chips (true story), I scoured the web for the secret to losing weight.  I looked at surgeries, pills, miracle diets, abstinence diets, juicer diets, vegan diets all in hopes of finding the one for me.  I came across a website that advertised it had a fool proof plan that has worked for millions. I clicked on the link all excited and it came up in big letters “But less food in your mouth than your body needs.” I scoffed and quickly clicked away trying to find some advice that was actually useful. HAHAHA!
I am not making light of the struggles that millions go through to lose weight. I fight those demons every day as well.  Getting past impulses, food addictions, and emotional crutches is VERY HARD! Thinking of these obstacles can be overwhelming.  But, I have found, that breaking down the weight loss into its very basic form can really put things into perspective.   So many times I have failed because I beat myself up for not following all the rules and I have set for myself.  When it comes down to the basic goal of “Losing Weight” it doesn’t matter if you don’t exercise, if you don’t eat your vegetables, if you had a stressful day at work and order pizza, if you decide to say yes to the cake.  All that matters is that your average calorie intake is less than what your body consumes.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

MFP - 1 Week Later

So today is my officialy one week mark on My Fitness Pal.  I was at 194 this morning which  means a total lost of 5.4 pounds in one week since I was up to 199.4 after Thanksgiving.  While I would love to see those results each week, I know it is just the inital shock to my system after being off any sort of plan for over 2 months.

The most exciting part is that I am officially under 200 on the scale at work.  We have a Biggest Loser Competition going  on which means I weigh in on another scale at work with all my clothes on.  Today it was a 4.4 pound difference which leaves me at 198.4. That shows my 5.4 pound drop as well since last week I was at 203.

Last night I was so tempted to slip up.  It was a very emotional day involving my eldest daughter.  She ran from school officials, the cops and us twice in one day.  We thought she was coming home at one point so I quickly order a pizza from a 'take-and-bake' place (instead of our healthy meal we had planned) and packed up all the little kids so I could take them to a friends house so they wouldn't have to witness their sister being arrested.  She ended up bolting once again so we didn't end up leaving but I was so tempted to sooth my stress with 3 pieces of pizza instead of the 1 slice I had enough calories for.  Luckily my senses came back and I stuck to my guns and didn't go over my calories.

Today I have the opposite issue.  I am not hungry at all and had to force feed myself.  Stress is a funny thing. 

How do you deal with stress and eating?

Monday, December 3, 2012

Weight Update

Current weight: 195.0 pounds

Starting weight: 198 pounds
Down: 3 pounds
Total loss: 3 pounds
Goal weight: 140 pounds
Total to lose: 55 pounds

Break the 198 plateau: Completed 12/2/2012
We love the 80’s: -5.1 pounds to go
5% Body Weight Gone:-6.9 pounds to go
Overweight BMI (179): -16. pounds to go
Scuba Diving Lessons (170) – 25 pounds
I purposely get this information out of yesterday's post because I didn't want you to think I was so awesome with my holiday experiment that I lost weight.  In all actuality, I was up on the scale come November 27th, and by a few pounds. I was deflated and was seriously wondering if I could ever get the motivation I had on January 1st.
Then Thursday came along and I had an encounter that really helped me refocus.  I am not sure if I blogged about this, but I am administrating a "Holiday Biggest Loser" competition at work for the next several weeks.  Thursday was our 2nd weigh in and everyone came to my desk to weigh in.  We had some gains and some minor losses after the holiday and then this one girl came up and had an amazing 6 pound loss in two weeks.  I was shocked and then she told me she was using the app "My Fitness Pal".
I had used "My Fitness Pal" the previous year for about 1 day.  I hated the thought of calorie counting, especially since at the time I was still strongly resisting having to make any dietary changes to lose weight. 
After my conversation with my co-worker I immediately downloaded the app and have been using it for the past 4 days.  I have lost 4.6 pounds already (some of this was diet and the other was the finish of my monthly curse). 
I can't tell you have relieving it is to be back to tracking. I am almost relieved to have some structure to my eating.  The best part is when I got home Mama D downloaded the app as well so we are doing it together. 
I feel it again! That feeling I had on January 1, 2012.  That feeling like losing weight is a possibility and not just a useless endeavour.  YAY!

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Holiday Results

What a busy few weeks.  Not only did we have a ton of events but we have had a lot of behavioral issues surrounding my eldest daughter (2:30am visits from the police are not fun). Plus I had some news about one of our foster children that hit me harder then I expected. No fun. 
I was very excited to try out me knew tools when it came to entertaining and special events.  Here is how things went:
Neighbors to Dinner: I did really well at dinner time, but my focus and motivation was clouded with to much wine (an issue in of itself) and I found myself sneaking into the kitchen for left over garlic bread and pecan pie :-( 
Dueling Piano Bar with Sisters: This went great!! I focused on my sisters and the entertainment instead of the food and was really proud of myself. Unfortunately, they no longer have a full dinner menu so we ordered several appetizers, but I limited myself...Then I got home and didn't do as well as I could have.  Totally killed my "No eating at night" rule.
Extended Family Dinner: This is where things started changing. I made a bigger effort to socialize with my family and not on my food.  I didn't get online to preplan what I was going to eat but I kept it simple and left food on my plate.
Thanksgiving: I was really nervous about this event because we had 16 people for dinner and I never had this mix of people before. I filled my plate once with moderate amounts and I didn't even finish everything. I didn't snack as I cooked and I felt like I had a chance to talk to everyone.
My 30th Birthday Party: Again I made a strong effort to make the people and not the food the event.  I went ot the buffet once (well twice but the first time I made a plate  and immediately set it down to say hello to new guests and promptly forgot about it).  I ate just a few bites of my birthday cupcake.
My Birthday: As I expected this was the hardest event.  I probably consumed more calories on this day than any of those above.  But on the positive side, it could have been a lot worse.
So, while I still hav a lot to improve on, I felt like I made some serious changes on my outlook to these parties and am excited to try it again in the upcoming few weeks when holiday events are rampant. 
How did your holiday go?

Friday, November 16, 2012

Fighting Tooth and Nail

One thing that sucks about struggling with weight loss is that you know exactly what you NEED to do you just choose not to do it. 
I know the one area which I struggle the most is snacking after dark.  The obvious course of action is to simply stop eating after dinner…I just can’t seem to bring myself to make the commitment. 
My internal monologue is reminiscent of the tantrums I see with my 3 & 6 year olds. “I don’t wanna!” “It isn’t fair!”, “Everyone else gets evening snacks!!” 
I know, I know, I just need to grow up!!
I take for granted the areas of my weight loss where I had it easier than most. I was able to say goodbye to most trigger foods without much after thought and, unlike some other weight loss bloggers I know, am able to eat foods I love in moderation without having to cut them out of my life completely.
On a semi related but completely off track note, I realized for the first time how appreciative that my mom refused to have snack food around the house.  I was so envious of friends who would have ice cream and snacks readily available all the time. For a time I thought it may have been a reason why I gained so much weight. Being deprived for so long I binged when I had total access.  Now I realize it was a blessing in disguise, because I was so use to never having tons of sweets around that I don’t miss it all that much now.
Okay, back to the subject at hand.  So I am seriously needing to bite the bullet and make the decision. 
I, Channie,  do swear to stop eating after the evening meal. 
Phew….it’s done.  If you could see my face through the computer screen you would see this: 
On to the next!!!  (Okay, if you can tell me what awesome show ended each episode with that slogan, up until recently, then you’re amazing)

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Food vs. Socialization Experiment

I am planning an experiment over the next few weeks.  I will call it “The Food vs. Socialization” experiment. 
It became abundantly clear during my conversation with my Life Coach on Monday that when it comes to social events, during the holidays and throughout the year, I spent more time focusing on the food then I do on the people. 
It started with a simple question “What do you love most about the Holidays?”  I chewed over this for a moment and realized that from appearances, it would seem the food.  Why else would I spend hours obsessing over party and holiday menus? Why would my mind be focused on the holiday delicacies being offered at parties as we drive to our destination? Why would I spend more time gorging myself than talking to the people around me?
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the food wasn’t what I loved about the holidays at all.  I love the decorations, lights, Christmas carols, gift giving, annoying dancing Santa’s, corny Hallmark movies,  stockings with the kids names embroidered on them.  The food, while scrumptious, was really not at the top of the list. 
I then took another step back and realized that I wasn’t just like this throughout the holidays, but all year long.  Each house party, dinner party, family get together and romantic date night was over shadowed by the food.  I would care less about the quality time I would get with friends and family and more about what was being served.  Seriously, I spent more time planning where we were going to eat for our Disneyland trip last October then I did about the rides and experiences we were going to have.
So my Life Coach and I decided to experiment. This weekend starts off our crazy holiday socialization schedule.  Over the next two weeks I need to consciously plan how to make the people and entertainment the focus and not the food.  Then we will get back together and see how it goes. 
Here are the activities and how I plan shift the focus:
Friday, November 16th:  Neighbors to Dinner: We have always been friendly with our neighbors but never really socialized. Mama D took the plunge and invited them over for dinner.  Seeing as I know them more as acquaintances, my focus is to get to know them better.  I made a habit of making grand feasts when we had people over for dinner but my focus is going to be to make it simple but good.  Less time on food and more time on getting to know the nice people next door.
Saturday, Nov 17th: Dueling Piano Bar with Sisters: I luva luva LOVE my sisters so it will be easy to keep the focus on socializing with them.  Plus the dueling pianos will help keep to focus off food.  My plan is to keep to the salad section of the menu with dressing on the side.  The hardest part is to keep the focus off the calorie killing martinis.
Sunday, Nov 18th: Extended Family Dinner: I love each of my family members individually but when you put all 13 of us in a restaurant it will get awkward.  My plan is to think of a topic to talk about with each family member, visit the menu on line and preplan what I will eat, and have a healthy snack before I leave so I want be as tempted by the bread and appetizers.  I think this will be the hardest of the events cause I can’t use food as a stress reducer…do they have calorie free wine?
Thursday, Nov 23: Thanksgiving: I am feeling confident about this event. I will not skip meals, focus on the guests, not eat as I cook, and keep my Thanksgiving meal to a small plate.  I do plan to allow myself a small slice of pie though..YUM.
Friday, Nov 23: My 30th Birthday Party:  This will probably be the easiest of all the events. As of today, we have had 20 people RSVP which means I will have a ridiculously crowded house.  I spent so much time playing hostess that I generally don’t even see the buffet table.  My biggest worry will be the alcohol. I need to come up with a reasonable amount which will allow me to have fun but not cause my waist line to expand. 
Monday, Nov 26: My Birthday:  This will deceptively be one of the harder days.  Because there is no big event and no guests, it would almost fly under the radar as being a day to watch out for but that is why it is so sneaky.  Because it is my birthday, my favorite meal will be made and probably a cake.  Because it will seem like most other days it will be so much easier to over fill my plate and not be conscious about what I am putting in my mouth.  I am not sure how I am going to handle this day yet…
Let the experiment begin!!!!

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Friendly Holiday Advice

Through my awesome insurance company, I receive a life coach who calls me once a month to go over goals regarding my health and well being.
Our focus this month was about the upcoming holidays and how one can easily gain 10 pounds in just a few short weeks.  We were going over tips on how to deal with dinner parties and other holiday festivities orientated around food.  Some of the tips I found the most useful were:
1.       If you know what is going to be served, write down on a piece of paper what you are going to allow yourself to eat and bring it with you.  The more conscious you are of what you are going to eat the more likely you will be successful.  
      **Plus you can childishly blame the piece of paper when a piece of pecan pie is calling to you.  

2.       Buffets – Observe what is offered and decide what you are going to eat before you even pick up your plate.  Allow yourself one plate and once filled do not linger around the table the rest of the evening.  

3.       Hors d’oeuvre and snacking-   This is my crux.  I think most of my holiday calories are consumed away from the table, either over indulging in hors d’oeuvres or ‘sampling’ food as I cook.  If you are going to a party, try eating a bowl of soup or salad before you attend, when you tummy is full, you are less likely to indulge in holiday treats.  If you don’t want to miss out on these treats, allow yourself one service.  Is the scrumptious treat you’re eyeing worth picking up a plate and serving yourself?

4.   Don't skip meals leading up the event. It would seem to make sense to skip lunch if thanksgiving dinner is at 3pm, but really happens is you come to the table STARVING and eat way more than you need or even really wanted.

5.       Carry a glass of water with you, with your hands occupied you are less likely to absently grab a small handful of mixed nuts from the bowl ever time you pass it.  
      ***And really, is it considered ‘absently grabbing’ when you are continuously passing by the bowl which isn’t even near where you were going or want to be)

6.       Socialize. I tend to forget that I go to these events to socialize with friends and family and not to eat.  Before you attend think of those you know in attendance and think of some topics or questions you would like to ask.  The more involved you with the people around you the less time you will be thinking about the food just a few feet away.  If you don’t know many people are going to be in attendance, then set a goal to get to know X number of people.  For the anti-social people out there (I am been a proud member since 1982), this not only a great way to help your waist line but a great way to boost confidence and help with those social skills.

7.       When it is finally time to sit down and eat, try to find a small plate. It has been scientifically proven that the larger the plate the more you will eat.  Cut your food into small portions and eat slowly.  Bring a large glass of water to the table and make a conscious effort to take drinks after every 2-3 bites.  Socialization is a great resource here because as long as you remember the golden rule of table manners “Don’t talk with your mouth full” you will spend more time talking then eating.

**NOTE: My life coach also advised to find a quiet place to eat and enjoy your food and then we both bust out laughing when we remembered I had five kids…may work for you though.

I want some of your advice too!! What does and doesn’t work for you around the holiday season?

Monday, November 12, 2012

Hello friends! It has been a while

Hello!! Anyone around?
I did it! I officially become one of those bloggers who disappear off the face of the earth and into oblivion.  While I have a plethora of excuses I could throw at you, it came down to two things.
1.       I need to focus on my family and get us away from the brink of disaster.
2.       I needed to find myself
While both 1 & 2 are still a ‘work in progress’  I feel I am ready to pick up where I left off.
I had been eyeing the scale for weeks.  Occasionally making flirty eyes and wooing myself back into its good graces.  Saturday night I finally slide on my big girl panties and decided to take the plunge and see where 2.5 months of craziness has left me.
DRUM ROLL PLEASE *********** 198.00**************
I was so relieved I started to cry.  I truly had changed the way I ate and while I hadn’t lost anything I had not gained a single pound. PHEW!!
So the question is, how does one reboot themselves? Well I guess the first thing was to find out what happened the first time around.
When I started this journey I feel like I had two set of goals. The ones I shared and the shallow ones that I kept to myself.   The one’s I shared were still important to me. I DO want to set a good example for my kids and I want to be healthy but sometimes you have to tap into you selfishness and narcissism to get your butt moving.  
How did I come to this conclusion? Well I started looking at what had changed when my motivation slipped and I realized that I had technically met all my superficial markers.  I could shop at most of the hip stores I always dreamed of,  I had days where I felt sexy and people stopped looking at me as the ‘fat person’ and more like a ‘potentially hot person’.  I still was not where I wanted to be on the scale and I still had days when I looked in the mirror going “I look the same I did 60 pounds ago.” But enough of those needs had been meet that the drive was dissipating.
So I decided to hit the reset button.  Start the new weight loss journey where I am now and not where I was 60 pounds ago.  I need to embrace the socially appropriate and superficial goals so that when I accomplish them I can make new ones.  I need to remember my old reasons and make some new reasons to continue on this journey
Goals you can’t track:
-           I want to set a good example for my kids (I really do!!)
-          I want to feel sexy and hot
-          I want to be able to wear a swimsuit in public
-          I want to be able to shop anywhere (while I can hit up most clothing stores,  some places still size a little too small for me)
-          I want to get rid of my gut!!

Large Goals you can track:
-          Official weight loss goal: 140 pounds ( - 58 to go )
-          Want to no longer be ‘obese’: 179 pounds ( - 19 to go)
-          Would like to slip into a size 6 ( - 4 sizes to go)

Those are some of the larger goals I am aiming for, but I know I do better when I have mini goals to pump me up along the way…so here is WEEK 1 Official weight posting!!

Current weight: 198.0 pounds

Starting weight: 198 pounds
Down: 0 pounds
Total loss: 0 pounds
Goal weight: 140 pounds
Total to lose: 58 pounds


Break the 198 plateau:  -1 pounds to go
We love the 80’s: -8.1 pounds to go
5% Body Weight Gone:  -9.9 pounds to go
Overweight BMI (179): -19 pounds to go
Scuba Diving Lessons (170) – 28 pounds
Let’s get this party started!!

Friday, August 24, 2012

From a 42.9 BMI to a 32.9 BMI

Current weight: 198.0 pounds

Starting weight: 258 pounds
Down: -.8 pounds
Total loss: - 60 pounds
Goal weight: 140 pounds
Total to lose: 58 pounds


60 pounds gone: Completed 8/24/2012
25% Body Weight Gone:  -4.5 pounds to go
70 pounds gone: -10 pounds to go
Overweight BMI (179): -19 pounds to go
Scuba Diving Lessons (165) – 33 pounds
My biggest focus and struggle lately has been about controlling how much I eat during the meal. I am pretty good about not eating unless I feel hunger signs, but once I start eating I realize I have eaten to much far too late.
My biggest issue has been how quickly I consume my food. As a child I remember my mom always reminding me that dinner was not a race.  I have curbed this issue fairly well at major meals. At dinner I use a small plate and serve myself reasonable portions. For lunch and breakfast and I only bring what I need and don’t tempt myself with snacks and extra portions.
My main struggle has been snacks, potlucks, and restaurants.   For example, I went to IHOP last night with the family and got an omelet.  By the time I starting paying attention to what I was doing I had inhaled 2/3rd of the omelet and 1 ½ pancakes.  I knew a overate the moment I became conscience of my food and felt horrible the rest of the evening and even this morning. 
I know the tools I can use to fix this.  At restaurants, ask for a box when the meal comes and decide what portion I want to eat and box the rest up.  For snacks, I should place a single serving on a napkin or in a bowl and eat from that.  I just don’t think of these options until it is way too late.
In happier news, we have my daughter back at home now.  She was gone a total of 13 days and it was horrible! We had a meeting with her therapist as well as with a social worker as we are trying to get her on to the ‘At Risk Youth’ petition our state offers.  The ARY petition would be a really good thing to have in place but we have discovered that we will have to dish out $1,000 initially and then another $1,000 every three months to keep it in place.  All of these costs are to cover her public defender. So frustrating that I will have to pay so much to the courts so I can have another protection to keep my daughter safe at home! Luckily we have a few attorney friends who will do our end so we don’t have to worry about paying for two attorneys. 

Friday, August 17, 2012

My Body is a Onederland

Current weight: 198.8 pounds

Starting weight: 258 pounds
Week lost count: -4.2 pounds
Total loss: - 59.2 pounds
Goal weight: 140 pounds
Total to lose: 58.8 pounds


Below 200 pounds by end of summer: Completed on 8/17/2012
 CHEESEBURGER!!!!!!: Completed on 8/17/2012 (consumption of burger is planned for tomorrow)  
Halfway mark: Completed 8/17/2012
60 pounds gone: -0.8 pounds to go
Overweight BMI (179): -19.8 pounds to go
Scuba Diving Lessons (165) – 33.8 pounds

I AM SO SORRY I DISAPPEARED. I swear life just keeps coming at me at warp speed….with Klingons and The Borg thrown in for good measure.  Happy dance for me for having entered Onederland.  For a little while I wasn’t sure if I was going to EVER make it.

On this weight loss journey, it thought I prepared myself pretty well for what I would expect.  What I wasn’t expecting was how SCARY becoming a thin person would be.  I seriously was having an identity crisis.  I had identified as this obese person for so long, that the idea I am no longer the elephant in the room was intimidating.

As a large person, I was use to being a fly on the wall. People didn’t make eye contact often, rarely held doors for me, strangers didn’t pick up conversations at random. Now all these things are happening and I don’t know how to handle it.

I had/have the hardest time accepting my accomplishment. I keep expecting to see 258 on the scale or for my clothes to not fit, or to look in the mirror and see what I use to.  I spent the last month all over scale, going up to 206 and down to 198.8.  I needed this time to find myself.  To become familiar and okay with the smaller me and prepare myself once again for the remaining 58.8 pounds I will lose. 

On another note, I am hoping you all can keep my oldest daughter in your thoughts. She ran last Thursday.  We have heard from people that they have seen her in our immediate area but she is refusing to come home.  She is filled with the emotional tornado which is being a teenager as well as processing the years of trauma she faced before she came to live with us and she is scared. The only way she knows how to cope is to run. I only hope she finds her way back home.

On happier note!! I went zip-lining a few weeks ago. So something I would have NEVER done 59.2 pounds ago.  Here is a picture of us right before we zipped off a huge tower over a lake. 

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

A Reason Not To Weigh Daily

I got into the horrible habit of weighing myself multiple times a day again.  As always it is all good and motivating isn’t.  Yesterday was a perfect example. I decide to weight myself and I see:  203.4 
I liked this weight cause it was evening, which meant my morning weight (which is what I consider my ‘real weight’)  would most likely be in the 202’s.
A few minutes later I use the restroom and because I am all sorts of special I decided to weight myself again to see what if I was lower:
After restroom weight:  204.8
Okay how was it possible in a span of 10 minutes and 1 bathroom break for me to gain 1.4 pounds? SERIOUSLY!!! After weighing myself several times in succession I get the same weight.  So I shrug it off as a scale issue.
I leave for a few minutes to get the kids entertained while I decide to take a quick shower.  I decide to weigh myself again to see if the scale was done be silly.
Before shower weight: 205
So now I am super frustrated. How is it possible to continue gaining weight if I haven’ ingested anything.  I jump out of the shower and dry my hair and decide I will do one last final weigh in to see if the scale has stopped being STUPID!!
After shower weight in: 205.4 WTF!!!!!
So in a period of 30 minutes, I gained two pounds without drinking or eating a thing. SERIOUSLY!!!
You think I would have learned my lesson…right…….WRONG.
So this morning I get up still thinking about the stupid scale and decide to weight myself. I see 203 which while there was no loss, at least I wasn’t up.  I brush my teeth and decide just for shits and giggles to give the scale another go. I see 203.4 pop up and I curse profusely and kick the scale in turn stubbing my toe.
Mama D thinks the scale just needs new batteries but I think the scale is secretly sabotaging my sanity.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Back on the Wagon

Current weight: 203 pounds

Starting weight: 258 pounds
Week 27: -3.8 pounds
Total loss: - 55 pounds
Goal weight: 140 pounds
Total to lose: 63 pounds


Below 200 pounds by end of summer: -3.1 pounds in 6 weeks (.53 pounds a week) CHEESEBURGER!!!!!!: -3.1 pounds
Halfway mark: -4 pounds
60 pounds gone: -5 pounds
Overweight BMI: -24 pounds

What I have learned this week is that I had a program that worked. Why I starting changing things is beyond me. This loss was redeeming. It made me realize I hadn't lost all control and that I am still in the game.

Something amazing just happened! I took a break for a second to finish up the homemade bread I was making and I realized my stomach was making noises. It was 12pm and I had forgotten to eat anything. Here I was in the kitchen, preparing bread and getting things in the crockpot for dinner and I hadn't once thought about putting food in my mouth. All of you chronic snackers and binge eaters know how huge that is.

UPDATE: I totally have been sitting on this blog post since Sunday when I weighed in. I have tons of humorous and enlightening things to add but that will have to wait until another post. Love you all!!!!!

Friday, July 13, 2012

Scheduled Eating

Has nothing to do with the post, but the picture is so cute I had to post it.

When I am staying on plan, I stick to a pretty strict regime on when and what I eat.  I don’t mind eating the same thing for long periods of time. My recent menu has been as follows:
9:00am – Luna Bar
11:30am – Whole Wheat Sandwich thin, 2 slices turkey, ½ oz cheddar cheese, ½ tablespoon non-fat mayo, and a crap load of spinach
3:30pm – Snack
 6:30pm – Dinner (last night was 4 oz chicken, serving oven fries, and brussel sprouts. Tonight is Taco Salad. I use ground turkey with fresh mozzarella and eat it over a bowl of spinach with some fat free Ranch)
8:30pm – WW Toffee Ice Cream bar.

If you notice, the 3:30pm time slot is the ominous ‘snack’. I haven’t found the perfect food to fit into the time slot and I it is a constant struggle not to graze.  My favorite in the time slot use to be hummus and pretzels but I made the mistake of having my teenage daughter have a taste and a container of the stuff doesn’t last 24 hours in the house anymore. 
I also find I am ravenous at this time too, but I don’t want to spoil my dinner so I find myself roaming the house mutter to myself about how dieting sucks while unconsciously grabbing a piece or fruit here, a handful of pretzels there, a granola bar I keep hidden in the back of pantry and the next thing I know I have consumed more calories in an hour then I had the previous 8 hours.
Frustrating to the extreme.
The scale has been friendly to me all week so I am hoping to post a big loss on Sunday.  The only obstacle is going to lunch with my daughter on Saturday.  I planned a light dinner though so I should be okay.  For the first time in ages my daughter and I have the house to ourselves all weekend and we are getting so much needed mother/daughter time.  We are getting pedicures and renting a bunch of movies. Super excited!!

I sent this picture to ‘Trainer Guy’ because it fit him and he texted back:
“While reading the last part, I started hearing the ‘Back to the Future’ theme in my head. Time travel is possible with bacon!!!”  
I love having friends with a sense of humor.

Thursday, July 12, 2012


A few months ago, when the shit hit the fan, Mama D strongly suggested that I start therapy.  I was nervous about this because I have had some bad experiences in the past but my new therapist is AMAZING!  Yesterday we talked about how scary my recent slips in energy and happiness have been. 
You wouldn’t recognize me if you meet me 1.5 years ago.  I wore my self-loathing quite literally on my sleeve.  I would go days without bathing, brushed my teeth maybe once a day, I didn’t wear make-up, my hair was long and messy and I dressed in unflattering clothing with holes and stains in them.  I hid from the world and made sure the world had no want to come to me. 
Then I became a parent to a teenager almost overnight and I realized how she started to mimic me. I was horrified.  Something changed within me and I decided to make a change.  I purchased make-up (which was quite comical because I had no idea how to use most of it), I cut my hair short so I was forced to style it (again quite comical), I started a hygiene routine everyday which included showering, facial scrubs, flossing, moisturizing, etc.  I went to a nice plus size clothing store and for the first time ever splurged on clothing which I liked and I felt good in. 
In January I took it a step further and decided to lose weight, and after a few months even added working out. Taking care of myself motivated me and with that my house was cleaner than ever and I felt so much happier. 
In past few weeks things have slipped. First the working out, then I stopped flossing, then I stopped moisturizing, and when my hair grew out some I am wearing it up more and more often. The house is getting messier, and my energy has been almost nonexistent. Then with the gain the week before last I was terrified I was slipping even more. 
My therapist, in all her glory didn’t understand what impact these small changes were having on me.  She didn’t know the sloppy me; she didn’t know the 258 pound me.  She wouldn’t be able to help me through this cause she wasn’t with me along the journey.
So I have spent a lot past few days trying to figure out how to get me back to where I belong.  I need to feel motivated again.  I cut my hair so I am forced to do my hair each morning,  I threw away all my baggy torn clothes so even at my worst I will look decent.  I am trying to get back in my night time self care routine. 
Another thing which seems to have disappeared was my constant search and reading of fellow weight loss blogs. I am a blog addict since I started reading about doing foster care in 2007 and with each new life endeavor I always found information, inspiration and motivation in the blogosphere. 
In the beginning I was like a starving wolf and devoured blog after blog soaking up their stories and their joy and energy that shined from their blog pages.  While I still follow a few (Shout out to Rae Rae J, Tiffany, Sarah and Mina); I stopped searching for new bloggers, I stopped seeking out new recipes and new inspirations.  So starting today my new search has begin. If you can recommend a good weight loss blog, or have your own you would like to share please post it in the comments.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Down Down Down Down

Current Weight: 206.8

Starting Weight: 258
Week 26: - 0.8 pounds
Total lost: - 51.2
Goal Weight: 140
Total to lose: 66.8 pounds to go

- Below 200 pounds by end of summer: -6.9 pounds to go in 7 weeks (0.98 pounds a week).
- CHEESBURGER!!!!  -6.9 pounds to go
- HALFWAY MARK!!!:  -7.8 Pounds to go
- 60 pounds gone: -8.8 pounds to go
- Overweight BMI: -27.8 pounds to go

- 40 pounds gone: (Complete on 5/13/2012)
- Another 10%: (Complete on 6/10/2012)
- 50 pounds gone: (Complete on 6/10/2012)
Super excited to see a downward trend again this month.  Seeing a loss has really helped increase my motivation. 
The pictures from the Fourth of July posted on FB earlier this week and they were a wake-up call.  In a few of the pictures I could really see the weight loose and I loved them, but most of the pictures showed the remaining weight I had to lose.  While I am grateful for every ounce of the 51.2 pounds I have lost, it is still nerve racking to face the remaining 66.8 pounds.
While we tend to keep the party guests to close friends and family, Mama D asked if she could invite an attorney who works for her firm to come as well. I had heard a lot about him via Mama D but had never met him. I knew Mama D wanted to make a good impression so I made sure to introduce them to the guests and make sure there were entertained throughout the evening.  I left the attorney and his girlfriend for a few minutes and during this time apparently my daughter’s very na├»ve friend went up to our guest and asked him quietly if he was a vampire. 
Now in her defense this man looks freakishly like Edward Cullen’s doppelganger.   SWEAR TO GOD! He has the complexion, hair, and even has these unbelievable golden eyes.  I had to restrain my friend from going up to introduce himself by saying “Mr.  Patterson, I presume.”
I was mortified!!!! Luckily said attorney, with all of his southern charm, laughed it off.  When my daughter’s friend commented about how much he looked like the Hollywood vampire, he reportedly said “No, the vampire looks like me as I am older.” 
Despite being accused of being one of the undead, he and his girlfriend graciously accepted our dinner invitation later in the month.  I have already made arrangements that no children or teenagers will be present, lol. 
I know the story had nothing to do about weight loss but I had to share it, it was equal parts embarrassing and amusing. 

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Positive Gain

Channie and Mama D June 30, 2012 Ocean Shores, WA
Current Weight: 207.6

Starting Weight: 258
Week 26: + 1.4 pounds
Total lost: -50.4
Goal Weight: 140
Total to lose: 67.4 pounds to go

- Below 200 pounds by end of summer: -7.7 pounds to go in 8 weeks (0.96 pounds a week).
- CHEESBURGER!!!!  -7.7 pounds to go
- HALFWAY MARK!!!:  -8.6 Pounds to go
- 60 pounds gone: -9.6 pounds to go
- Overweight BMI: -28.6 pounds to go

- 40 pounds gone: (Complete on 5/13/2012)
- Another 10%: (Complete on 6/10/2012)
- 50 pounds gone: (Complete on 6/10/2012)

Seeing an increase on the scale was very painful, especially since I saw 205 on the scale earlier in the week. But I am not as devastated or defeated as I thought I would be. If anything I felt it was good for me. I felt like I was skating by for too long as my bad habits resurfaced.  This was like a wake-up call I needed and I have officially hit the reset button.
The reason for increase was of two factors. One is that TOM entered my life on weigh in day AND I ate like a little piggy all vacation weekend.  I know I should regret it but I don’t.  It was such a fun relaxing weekend and I don’t regret a single moment or bite.  BUT I do realize that eating like I did is not an occurrence that can happen often. 
Mama D had a successful loss which was AWESOME! I think it was because of all the calories she burned fighting with the huge alligator that attacked her while we were shopping.
The vacation was amazing! The view from our room was heart stopping:

The jetted tub with views of the ocean was one of the highlights.

While we were at an Irish Pub one night we heard about a Celtic music festival they were having in October.  There were having bands from all over the world coming.  It looked like so much fun, that when we checked out of our AMAZING condo we immediately booked for the days in October.  I am sooo EXCITED.

I have eaten incredibly well the past two days and today is my official back to working out day. I have also tackled another goal the past two days and that is to quit smoking.  I hear you all yelling “YOU SMOKE!?!?!” I quit smoking about 5 years ago, and when Mama D and I temporarily split about 8 weeks ago, I ended up staying with some friends for a few weeks. It was a party house with lots of people smoking and I sadly picked up the habit again. 
While the nicotine helped with the anxiety I still hated the taste and smell but it is called an addiction for a reason. When my work’s entire campus went smoke free on Monday, I decided to take the opportunity to remove the grossness from my life.
 I am feeling good! I am feeling fierce! I am in feeling INCHARGE!!!!