Now you see me....

I hate bloggers who do disappearing acts…. And I hate that I am one of them.  Sorry folks!!

The last 6 months have been difficult to say the least.  We had a lot of changes happen that increased my stress level substantially and something had to give.  I am sad to see it was my commitment to keep myself healthy but as I see the end of the tunnel up ahead I cannot feel regret for how I got there but just happiness that life really does have its ups.

On the weight loss side I am up about 15 pounds. I am at 205.8.  Surprisingly I was thrilled by this because I was sure I was going to see something like 220 as I hadn’t weighted myself in months. 

I don’t usually like to give excuses but my therapist keeps telling me that I need to stop punishing myself for not being perfect and excepting that sometimes life is hand me too much and to just be thankful  and proud about what I can accomplish.  So this is what has been going on:

-          Oldest daughter behaviors continued to escalate until April. After several police interventions and thousands of dollars in property damage we gave her an ultimatum to shape up or get out.  It has helped a lot but we still struggle daily with her.

-          Shortly after my last blog post my mother’s health deteriorated drastically and on March 31^st at 3am she passed away at the age of 56. I held her in my arms as she passed and while I was happy to be there it was one of the hardest things I have ever done.

-          On January 5^th a child we use to foster came back into our home.  I love that little dude to pieces but he has to be one of the hardest children I have parented in my 5 years as a parent and that includes my teenage daughter. He went home yesterday which both a sad and happy occasion.

-          A few weeks after my mother passed I got a letter from my landlord that he was remodeling and selling the property so we needed to be out in 30 days.  Moving for anyone is difficult but moving with 5 children with a history of trauma is awful.  Behaviors kick up when I bring new furniture in the house or move things around….moving to a brand new house was interesting to say the least.

-          As I have stated before I am a foster parent along with working fulltime.  I feel like I have 2.5 jobs. One is my day job, second is being a parent, and my part-time job is dealing with all the people (social workers, adoption workers, supervisors, CHET workers, licensors, Judges, Birth parents, extended birth family, other foster parents, etc.) involved with each case.  While I have 5 children we normally specialize in sibling groups so we have never had more than 3 sets of people to deal with. Since January we have had 4 separate sets and OMG I thought my head was going to explode, lol.

-          In good news, I QUIT SMOKING ON MAY 27^th!!  I had quit before in 2007 but unfortunately started again in June of 2012. Honestly I hated being a smoker; the stink, the mess, the cost but they don’t call it an addiction for nothing.  So YAY for no smoking!

-          This past week Mama D and I have started a new work out and meal plan.  We have been sticking to it pretty well.  I have a crap load of family coming from France in August to spread my mother’s ashes so I feel it is a good motivator to get myself back on track. I have 8 weeks till they arrive so I am hoping I can get to 190.  Keep your fingers crossed!

12 you say!!!

Current weight: 191.2 pounds

Down: 1 pounds

Starting weight: 198 pounds (as of 11/12/2012)
Total loss: 6.8 pounds
Goal weight: 140 pounds
Total to lose: 51.2 pounds

Total lost as of March 2011 (73.8 pounds)

GOALS:

Break the 198 plateau: Completed 12/2/2012

We love the 80’s: -1.3 pounds to go
5% Body Weight Gone:-3.1 pounds to go

Overweight BMI (179): -12.2 pounds to go

Scuba Diving Lessons (170) – 21.2 pounds

1 pound loss….I’ll take it.  This past weekend I was not at my best when it came to eating.  The 6 hour holiday baking party did me in.  Though I ate over my calories I still call the event a success.  In the past I would have been hyper focused on the treats and eating a ton. This time I kept my snacking to just a few pieces of the treats I liked the best and didn’t eat any of the others.  I really focused on only eating what I knew I would enjoy and savoring it instead of snacking willy-nilly.  I also focused on my friends who came over to bake as we don’t see each other as much as we would like (dang islanders).

Last night, as I was changing into PJ’s I decided to slip on the pair of 12’s I had hanging in the closet to see how close I was to being able to wear them. I slipped them on and they fit PERFECTLY! I didn’t even have to suck in a little to button them.  I rushed downstairs where Mama D was rocking out on her Extreme Yoga DVD set I got her for her birthday and paraded around in my size 12 body, lol.  When I got back upstairs I dug the other size 12’s I had been given from the bottom of my armoire. I am always suspicious of sizes because each brand is different and a size 12 in one brand can be a size 14 in another.  Of the three pairs I dug out by three different designers two fit like a glove and the third pair would require that I lay down on the bed to zip.  So I am calling it.  I am officially a size 12!! WOOT WOOT!

I can’t remember the last time I was a size 12. The last time I was successful at losing weight I was 17.  I got down to 170 and was able to get into a size 13.  So how I am able to fit into a size 12 now at 191 is beyond me. Oh, how the body changes.

In life news, I received some very scary news about my 16 year old daughter is still on the run.  She is messing with some very serious things which can cause her a lot of damage. Not drugs, thank God, but still some scary stuff she should not be involved with on her own.  I am trying not to let the stress effect my weight loss and the 3 other kiddos I have at home but it is hard. 

Blog at you soon!!!

Losing Weight in it's Basic Form

Current weight: 192.2 pounds

Starting weight: 198 pounds (as of 11/12/2012)
Down: 2.8 pounds
Total loss: 5.8 pounds
Goal weight: 140 pounds
Total to lose: 52.2 pounds

Total lost as of March 2011 (72.8 pounds)

GOALS:

Break the 198 plateau: Completed 12/2/2012

We love the 80’s: -2.3 pounds to go
5% Body Weight Gone:-4.1 pounds to go

Overweight BMI (179): -13.2 pounds to go

Scuba Diving Lessons (170) – 22.2 pounds

What a week!  The stressors don’t stop and I haven’t even had time to stress about the upcoming holidays or the 2 dinner parties and 1 holiday party I am hosting in less than two weeks.  I don’t even want to open that can of worms. 

I had enough last night and almost opened a mini container of ice cream I have in the freezer and ate the whole thing!  I went to bed early instead thinking not only would it help me avoid the calorie overload but the extra sleep would help relieve some stress.  I did avoid eating anything but I got a call from my older sister literally as I was leaning over to turn off the bedside lamp and had an hour conversation which hit every stressor in my life and I ended up going to bed 30 minutes late.  UGH!

Even after having so much success over the past 11 ½ months, I still seem to be surprised by the obvious fact that “Putting less food in your mouth means you lose weight.”   When I am losing I am thrilled but suspicious of the results. I am suspicious that the scale is off or that it is just a fluke and I will gain it back tomorrow no matter how much I try. When I plateau or gain my inner gremlin constantly tells me that losing weight is too hard; that I can’t do it.   What I really need to remember is that there is one basic rule that applies to losing weight and it works 100% of the time….”Putting less calories in your body then your body consumes will ultimately lead to loosing pounds.”  SURPRISE!!! There is no special pill, no exercise routines, you don’t have to avoid certain foods or only eat things that start with the letter G. 

A few years back, I remember being up late one night really depressed about my weight.  As I had 100’s of times before, I decided to do something about. I sat in bed with my laptop and while nomming on a bag of chips (true story), I scoured the web for the secret to losing weight.  I looked at surgeries, pills, miracle diets, abstinence diets, juicer diets, vegan diets all in hopes of finding the one for me.  I came across a website that advertised it had a fool proof plan that has worked for millions. I clicked on the link all excited and it came up in big letters “But less food in your mouth than your body needs.” I scoffed and quickly clicked away trying to find some advice that was actually useful. HAHAHA!

I am not making light of the struggles that millions go through to lose weight. I fight those demons every day as well.  Getting past impulses, food addictions, and emotional crutches is VERY HARD! Thinking of these obstacles can be overwhelming.  But, I have found, that breaking down the weight loss into its very basic form can really put things into perspective.   So many times I have failed because I beat myself up for not following all the rules and I have set for myself.  When it comes down to the basic goal of “Losing Weight” it doesn’t matter if you don’t exercise, if you don’t eat your vegetables, if you had a stressful day at work and order pizza, if you decide to say yes to the cake.  All that matters is that your average calorie intake is less than what your body consumes.

MFP - 1 Week Later

So today is my officialy one week mark on My Fitness Pal.  I was at 194 this morning which  means a total lost of 5.4 pounds in one week since I was up to 199.4 after Thanksgiving.  While I would love to see those results each week, I know it is just the inital shock to my system after being off any sort of plan for over 2 months.

The most exciting part is that I am officially under 200 on the scale at work.  We have a Biggest Loser Competition going  on which means I weigh in on another scale at work with all my clothes on.  Today it was a 4.4 pound difference which leaves me at 198.4. That shows my 5.4 pound drop as well since last week I was at 203.

Last night I was so tempted to slip up.  It was a very emotional day involving my eldest daughter.  She ran from school officials, the cops and us twice in one day.  We thought she was coming home at one point so I quickly order a pizza from a 'take-and-bake' place (instead of our healthy meal we had planned) and packed up all the little kids so I could take them to a friends house so they wouldn't have to witness their sister being arrested.  She ended up bolting once again so we didn't end up leaving but I was so tempted to sooth my stress with 3 pieces of pizza instead of the 1 slice I had enough calories for.  Luckily my senses came back and I stuck to my guns and didn't go over my calories.

Today I have the opposite issue.  I am not hungry at all and had to force feed myself.  Stress is a funny thing. 

How do you deal with stress and eating?

Weight Update

Current weight: 195.0 pounds

Starting weight: 198 pounds
Down: 3 pounds
Total loss: 3 pounds
Goal weight: 140 pounds
Total to lose: 55 pounds

GOALS:

Break the 198 plateau: Completed 12/2/2012

We love the 80’s: -5.1 pounds to go
5% Body Weight Gone:-6.9 pounds to go

Overweight BMI (179): -16. pounds to go

Scuba Diving Lessons (170) – 25 pounds

I purposely get this information out of yesterday's post because I didn't want you to think I was so awesome with my holiday experiment that I lost weight.  In all actuality, I was up on the scale come November 27th, and by a few pounds. I was deflated and was seriously wondering if I could ever get the motivation I had on January 1st.

Then Thursday came along and I had an encounter that really helped me refocus.  I am not sure if I blogged about this, but I am administrating a "Holiday Biggest Loser" competition at work for the next several weeks.  Thursday was our 2nd weigh in and everyone came to my desk to weigh in.  We had some gains and some minor losses after the holiday and then this one girl came up and had an amazing 6 pound loss in two weeks.  I was shocked and then she told me she was using the app "My Fitness Pal".

I had used "My Fitness Pal" the previous year for about 1 day.  I hated the thought of calorie counting, especially since at the time I was still strongly resisting having to make any dietary changes to lose weight. 

After my conversation with my co-worker I immediately downloaded the app and have been using it for the past 4 days.  I have lost 4.6 pounds already (some of this was diet and the other was the finish of my monthly curse). 

I can't tell you have relieving it is to be back to tracking. I am almost relieved to have some structure to my eating.  The best part is when I got home Mama D downloaded the app as well so we are doing it together. 

I feel it again! That feeling I had on January 1, 2012.  That feeling like losing weight is a possibility and not just a useless endeavour.  YAY!

Holiday Results

What a busy few weeks.  Not only did we have a ton of events but we have had a lot of behavioral issues surrounding my eldest daughter (2:30am visits from the police are not fun). Plus I had some news about one of our foster children that hit me harder then I expected. No fun. 

I was very excited to try out me knew tools when it came to entertaining and special events.  Here is how things went:

Neighbors to Dinner: I did really well at dinner time, but my focus and motivation was clouded with to much wine (an issue in of itself) and I found myself sneaking into the kitchen for left over garlic bread and pecan pie :-( 

Dueling Piano Bar with Sisters: This went great!! I focused on my sisters and the entertainment instead of the food and was really proud of myself. Unfortunately, they no longer have a full dinner menu so we ordered several appetizers, but I limited myself...Then I got home and didn't do as well as I could have.  Totally killed my "No eating at night" rule.

Extended Family Dinner: This is where things started changing. I made a bigger effort to socialize with my family and not on my food.  I didn't get online to preplan what I was going to eat but I kept it simple and left food on my plate.

Thanksgiving: I was really nervous about this event because we had 16 people for dinner and I never had this mix of people before. I filled my plate once with moderate amounts and I didn't even finish everything. I didn't snack as I cooked and I felt like I had a chance to talk to everyone.

My 30^th Birthday Party: Again I made a strong effort to make the people and not the food the event.  I went ot the buffet once (well twice but the first time I made a plate  and immediately set it down to say hello to new guests and promptly forgot about it).  I ate just a few bites of my birthday cupcake.

My Birthday: As I expected this was the hardest event.  I probably consumed more calories on this day than any of those above.  But on the positive side, it could have been a lot worse.

So, while I still hav a lot to improve on, I felt like I made some serious changes on my outlook to these parties and am excited to try it again in the upcoming few weeks when holiday events are rampant. 

How did your holiday go?

 

 

Fighting Tooth and Nail

One thing that sucks about struggling with weight loss is that you know exactly what you NEED to do you just choose not to do it. 

I know the one area which I struggle the most is snacking after dark.  The obvious course of action is to simply stop eating after dinner…I just can’t seem to bring myself to make the commitment. 

My internal monologue is reminiscent of the tantrums I see with my 3 & 6 year olds. “I don’t wanna!” “It isn’t fair!”, “Everyone else gets evening snacks!!” 

I know, I know, I just need to grow up!!

I take for granted the areas of my weight loss where I had it easier than most. I was able to say goodbye to most trigger foods without much after thought and, unlike some other weight loss bloggers I know, am able to eat foods I love in moderation without having to cut them out of my life completely.

On a semi related but completely off track note, I realized for the first time how appreciative that my mom refused to have snack food around the house.  I was so envious of friends who would have ice cream and snacks readily available all the time. For a time I thought it may have been a reason why I gained so much weight. Being deprived for so long I binged when I had total access.  Now I realize it was a blessing in disguise, because I was so use to never having tons of sweets around that I don’t miss it all that much now.

Okay, back to the subject at hand.  So I am seriously needing to bite the bullet and make the decision. 

I, Channie,  do swear to stop eating after the evening meal. 

Phew….it’s done.  If you could see my face through the computer screen you would see this: 

On to the next!!!  (Okay, if you can tell me what awesome show ended each episode with that slogan, up until recently, then you’re amazing)