Friday, August 17, 2012

My Body is a Onederland

Current weight: 198.8 pounds

Starting weight: 258 pounds
Week lost count: -4.2 pounds
Total loss: - 59.2 pounds
Goal weight: 140 pounds
Total to lose: 58.8 pounds


Below 200 pounds by end of summer: Completed on 8/17/2012
 CHEESEBURGER!!!!!!: Completed on 8/17/2012 (consumption of burger is planned for tomorrow)  
Halfway mark: Completed 8/17/2012
60 pounds gone: -0.8 pounds to go
Overweight BMI (179): -19.8 pounds to go
Scuba Diving Lessons (165) – 33.8 pounds

I AM SO SORRY I DISAPPEARED. I swear life just keeps coming at me at warp speed….with Klingons and The Borg thrown in for good measure.  Happy dance for me for having entered Onederland.  For a little while I wasn’t sure if I was going to EVER make it.

On this weight loss journey, it thought I prepared myself pretty well for what I would expect.  What I wasn’t expecting was how SCARY becoming a thin person would be.  I seriously was having an identity crisis.  I had identified as this obese person for so long, that the idea I am no longer the elephant in the room was intimidating.

As a large person, I was use to being a fly on the wall. People didn’t make eye contact often, rarely held doors for me, strangers didn’t pick up conversations at random. Now all these things are happening and I don’t know how to handle it.

I had/have the hardest time accepting my accomplishment. I keep expecting to see 258 on the scale or for my clothes to not fit, or to look in the mirror and see what I use to.  I spent the last month all over scale, going up to 206 and down to 198.8.  I needed this time to find myself.  To become familiar and okay with the smaller me and prepare myself once again for the remaining 58.8 pounds I will lose. 

On another note, I am hoping you all can keep my oldest daughter in your thoughts. She ran last Thursday.  We have heard from people that they have seen her in our immediate area but she is refusing to come home.  She is filled with the emotional tornado which is being a teenager as well as processing the years of trauma she faced before she came to live with us and she is scared. The only way she knows how to cope is to run. I only hope she finds her way back home.

On happier note!! I went zip-lining a few weeks ago. So something I would have NEVER done 59.2 pounds ago.  Here is a picture of us right before we zipped off a huge tower over a lake. 

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